


cry for me, my prince

by babyboyxu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trans Male Character, donghyucks 17 in this lol idk y, jisung is 16 theres no uncomfortable age gap, jisung is donghyuck's baby, trans!donghyuck, trans!haechan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:53:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27194716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyboyxu/pseuds/babyboyxu
Summary: donghyuck's gender dysphoria is pounding at him trying to tear him down, but he doesn't want to add onto his boyfriend's already shitty day.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Park Jisung
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the first chapter is just me projecting my problems onto donghyuck lol skip if u dont wanna read my complaints abt society and stuff

Donghyuck is a boy. He is. 

Doghyuck’s thoughts about gender identity and expressions have changed the more he researched, the more he exposed himself to the stories and experiences strangers have shared on the internet. 

He likes being labeled as a boy. Sure- labels are the outcome of a society that wants there to be a norm set in place so bad, that it assigns genders to clothing items; but he liked being a ‘boy’, it was a more familiar and comfortable label.

What he didn’t understand, is why he had to wait for his parents to become comfortable with his gender expression, in order to even be considered to be approved to start his medical transition. Sure they’re his parents, but what the fuck. It was his life. His happiness was now in the hands of his parents, his traditional, asian parents, who would make jokes about boys wearing makeup or girls not wearing bras as if it was even a little bit of their business. 

And to add to that, his doctors, his psychiatrist, are trying so hard to make him doubt that he really is trans. ‘Maybe you’re just a girl thats secretly attracted to other girls and you don’t want to admit that, so you say that you want to be a boy so you wouldn’t think it was wrong.’ Yeah fucking right.

Donghyuck was a boy, he liked all genders and he was certain about it. As if the years of self conflict and horrible thoughts about his identity didn’t confirm things for him. As if he didn’t spend years fantasising about his perfect post operation body. One with a flat chest and a dick. One that was pumped with testosterone. 

And sure, he didn’t fit the typical macho man stereotype, him being comfortable in skirts and makeup, behaving feminine and liking feminine things. But he recognises that that was his gender expression, what he does to make himself feel like, himself. It would be a cold day in hell before he conforms to society’s expectations of what men, and even trans men, should behave and look like.


	2. Chapter 2

So yeah, he was pissed that one Saturday night, thinking about how invalidated he feels by his doctors and parents, about how he shouldn’t let himself care about their perception of him. He was laid in his bed, binder on, scrolling through twitter like the average 17 year old. 

But to his goddamn horror, he comes across some idiot online spewing absolute bullshit about how ‘there are only two genders’ and that ‘trans people are just trying to get attention, they’re not real’ and shit, he might just make a hole in the wall next to him, almost throwing his phone against the hard surface in frustration.

He knows that people that say stupid shit on the internet are just trying to get a reaction, he knows that its useless trying to fight an ignorant pig using the internet as a shield. so he calms himself down, (after silently screaming into his blanket to let the anger out), and continues scrolling.

Jisung was out having dinner with his dance team after having gotten second place in a competition, it wasn’t the best result but they all tried their best, practicing after classes for five hours straight, trying to make their choreo tight and synchronised. 

He had texted donghyuck right after his dance instructor announced the result of the competition, that had been posted on the competition organiser’s website earlier that day. ‘We got second place…. ‘ the text read, donghyuck sat up from his bed, wanting to reply jisung as best he could to console him.

He understood how upsetting this must have been for his younger boyfriend, knowing that jisung was never satisfied not being the best, he would tear himself apart in the name of trying to improve and do better. ‘Jisungie.. don’t be too hard on yourself right now okay? I know how hard you and the other guys trained for this, I’m so super proud of you for doing so well. and I know the others aren’t disappointed, they must be so proud to have made it second place!’ Donghyuck so wished he could hug his baby all tight and pet his hair (jisung always asked him to when he felt upset).

‘Go and have a good dinner okay? I’ll be there to pick you up, just tell me when you guys are done, I’ll give you the biggest hug !’ Jisung leaves donghyuck on read, but donghyuck knows that jisung isn’t so good with words, and just hopes that his words made his boyfriend feel a little better.

donghyuck got off his bed in an attempt to make himself feel better before going out, usually he wouldn’t go out in public without having planned it a few days before. 

He wasn’t meant to pick jisung up after his dinner but he figured that jisung needed extra support. He carelessly pushed his bubbling dysphoria down into a bottle and shoved it to the back recesses of his mind, not wanting to take his attention away from comforting jisung that night. With his ‘confident boy’ makeup - some smudged eyeliner and face contour - on, he got ready to leave, putting on his sneakers, not looking into the mirror hanging behind the front door like he normally would; he just wanted to make it to jisung without being reminded of his feminine face.


End file.
